The Things I'll Put Up With For Yu
by Unformal Sorrelle
Summary: Keeping Yu alive is almost impossible, what with his constant charging into battles and strange lack of self preservation. No one person could even try to do it alone. This still doesn't quite explain why Shinoa and Mika have teamed up, but surely Yu's worth putting up with one another... Right?


The Things I'll Put Up With For Yu

 _A Oneshot_

Set vaguely after the anime ended for the season

* * *

"He almost got himself killed today. Ran after two Four Horseman. He claimed they were sneaking up on us."

"Was this before or after I had to step in with that noble?"

"After, of course. Yu couldn't possibly be satisfied with just one suicide run."

Mika growled, a stark contrast from his normal monotone, "Of course."  
...

The two were not friends. Not at all. Even if Shinoa's first conversation with him had been when he was saving her life, she got the hint with his constant muttering of "treacherous humans" that it wasn't because she'd endeared herself to him. Shinoa herself wasn't entirely fond of the strange vampire who had no problem stabbing people even if he didn't deign to snack on them. They didn't have a friendship, even if they snuck around their own species to regularly talk to one another and communicated more with each other than with their own families.

It was a business relationship.

They were allies... While being enemies, but times were strange and Yu's idiocy needed both sides of the war to actively protect him if he had any chance of survival. It was crazy how much he was determined to charge into ever single dangerous situation possible.

Shinoa protected him in the light, and Mika did so from the shadows. It was almost like a strange custody agreement with one of them was always looking after him.

"No, you can't just carry him off. We've discussed this before, Blondy. Yu would just get into more trouble with him trying to take the heads from your vampires." Shinoa laughed, "Just imagine him declaring that he was going to kill every single last vampire when one of your friends calls him livestock."

"I don't have friends." Mika stated, "At least he'd be away from those treacherous humans!"

"Sorry to break to you, Blondy, but- Yu is human. Oh, the horrors! I bet he betrays himself at least five times a week!" She overdramatically fell to her knees as if sobbing, but her catlike grin was shameless.

Mika tried to stare at her impassively but she was worse than Ferid sometimes. He tried so hard not to give her the satisfaction of an emotional response but even four straight years of being trolled by Ferid wasn't enough to hold in a glare. For her part, Shinoa just laughed girlishly as she climbed back to her feet.

"Yu is different. He's too soft. He isn't made to deal with the evils of humanity." He gave her a look that clearly labeled her as one of said evils.

Shinoa laughed again, "...of course he is. Yes. Sucks to be him."

Mika bristled against this, especially when she stepped closer and invaded his personal space. Her resemblance to Ferid almost gave him shivers. Creepy, filthy human.

"Oh my, your social skills are even worse than his. Are you even hearing yourself? I suppose to your perspective anyone who doesn't regularly denounce how humans are _the worst thing ever_ is too soft. Hmm?"

It took drawing on all of Ferid's torments over the years to not back up. He knew if he took even a single step backwards then things would get even worse. Instead he looked at her with irritation. "Stop it, human."

"Whatever you say, _vampire_." She shot him a sunny smile, leaning forward even more before finally stepping backwards, "After all, you would know best."

Mika didn't understand how she could make the truth sound so mocking.

It was always normal patrols that caused the most trouble. Yu would fall for every trap, he would charge at every monster, and somehow get himself in at least ten near death situations. Shinoa made sure she gave Mika their basic schedule, and he tried to pick off any trouble he could. It was kind of interesting to have a vampire dedicated to averting trouble from a vampire extermination unit. It was also irritating when things got off schedule and Shinoa couldn't say why she was so determined to get back on book. Irritating like Yu. Like Mika. Like any Hyakuya.

No one knew risk like she did. If her family caught one whiff of what she was doing…

But it wasn't like she did it just for fun. As entertaining as it was to tease Mika, well more like challenging given his high tolerance, Yu really was an idiotic danger magnet who seemed determined to get himself killed. Seriously, keeping that kid alive… Yu would never appreciate all the different systems she and Mika put in place. Mika had somehow tricked his queen into declaring a frequently patrolled area off-limits for the average vamp- not that it did a thing against nobles. She'd managed to goad Mitsuba enough for the blonde to stop most of Yu's charges, but every time he went around her and survived yet again Shinoa worried that Mitsuba was getting over her teammate trauma. They both had an intelligence network… kind of. They both were high ranking enough to get information on their own sides plans that could affect Yu themselves, but Shinoa had the rest of her team keep a closer eye on Yu himself. Mika didn't actually have any helpful spies but as vampires tended to talk around him, perhaps mistaking his silence for inattention, he could use his own kind effectively.

Of course neither Shinoa or Mika shared any proper tactical information with each other. Shinoa wasn't going to jeopardize humanity and Mika didn't trust her humanity. This led to stunted conversations where both of Yu's protectors tried not to look like they were flailing with what information they could give out. Mika covered by calling humans names and Shinoa tried to get a reaction from him. It was a good game.

Tonight they were meeting right outside the wall. Shinoa had found a small gap in security that she could exploit- sometimes it was good to be short.

Mika was waiting as usual. He looked stiff and uncomfortable, standing in as much shadow as he could. Sometimes she got the feeling that he was impatient so she of course was always a little late.

He stared at her, his blue eyes barely visible in the moonlight. She waited, wondering if her lateness would get a mutter of "filthy human" but apparently not. Oh well.

"Hello Mika, have you been standing there long? You look like you need a stretch. I don't know if it's the same for vampires but it's good to move around, get the blood flowing- oh wait." Ooh, that brought out his death glare! Shinoa awarded herself ten points.

Mika blinked at her, no doubt wondering why he put up with her. Shinoa knew that most people wouldn't think baiting a vampire who could probably take her in a fight was reasonable but with what she had to put up with? She probably ought not to blame him for Yu's behavior but… it was too much fun to make him squirm.

"Is Yu going on patrol tomorrow?"

"Nope," she popped her p, "Guren called us in for some meeting. This probably means he's up to something."

"Filthy human!" Mika always got like that when Guren was mentioned. Shinoa couldn't actually blame him. Quickly, she spoke before he got on another tangent of the evils of humanity,

"I don't think we have to worry. He's calling the whole squad in, not just our wonderfully impulsive friend. It's politics." She wouldn't explain just how she knew that. After all, even though she kept herself informed she wasn't letting anyone know she had any interest. Although, admittedly Mika wouldn't claim her knowledge showed she was overly ambitious and attempt to dispose of her, but there were some things so ingrained into her being that they were never coming out.

Shinoa suddenly realized even mentioning politics was a mistake.

"You humans and your never ending-"

"What's up with bloodsucker politics?"

Mika's eyes bulged and oh, that face alone was worth thirty points. The things he must have seen.

Darn her curiosity.

"Look," she said slyly, moving a whisper closer, "I'm not asking for specifics. I think we both have had rather… unique experiences within our own circles. Nothing tactical, nothing dangerous, but I have a strange little theory about politics. They're always ridiculous, no matter the species. I think you agree with me."

Mika stilled his face and turned away. That wasn't going to do.

"I know-"

Mika inhumanely fast turned back to face her, "They are so whiney! They just never shut up! You will not believe how many times Krul has to deal with all the different factions whining about inconsequential issues. What's worse is that they come after me! Filthy factions. Do you know how little I care about feeding the humans cabbage to supposedly change the taste? _Cabbage_. They just keep talking and talking _and talking_. Of course it's only because there's one noble who wants to be a farmer, I don't know why, and he wants cabbage seeds but it's not like anyone has cabbage seeds. So all his allies pretend that if Krul doesn't spend resources on cabbages then she's denying the entire vampire race something that will better everyone! Krul can at least avoid them by claiming she's busy but then everyone starts following me around. You'd think I'd get used to stalkers with Ferid following me everywhere but at least he doesn't talk about _cabbage_!"

Shinoa looked at him and, pressing down her utter amazement, sighed theatrically. "Cabbage? You should hear a certain unnamed party on the importance of taking down all of the graffiti in the city. Somehow old spray paint gives an 'unwanted atmosphere' and suggests a 'criminal element in our fine city', because crumbling buildings are just so sophisticated. Of course, that's just because she doesn't want to deal with any more repair work and would rather complain about aesthetics because it's easier."

"That's nothing, the clothing faction-"

The two continued, losing themselves in long held in rants about their respective governing bodies. Somehow Mika, who had probably called Shinoa a filthy human more times than reasonable, was championing how the 'treacherous' humans couldn't even compare to the dark pit of underworld that was Krul's court. Even Shinoa herself found herself defending a faction of vampires who wanted to lobotomize their livestock as being tame.

When Mika registered what had just come out of his mouth (a particularly bitter barb against a vampire who was invested in needle production that hinged on humans being innocent little lambs) he just kind of stopped. He stared at his outstretched hand. Shinoa took her own moment to evaluate her life that had brought her too that moment.

"So I'll watch Yu tomorrow."

Mika nodded woodenly.

Shinoa tried to smile. It was too forced.

…

She decided not to tell Mika that Yu attached Guren again. It wasn't worth the points.

It became unspoken that nothing even tangentially related to politics could be brought up.

But honestly it didn't take long for snippets to slip in here or there.

Eventually they updated each other on political frustrations just as much as they talked about Yu's safety- after all, it was good to get a different perspective on something that could eventually, maybe, possibly affect Yu somehow.

…

Mika didn't react as Shinoa invaded his personal space. He felt a triumphant as he didn't budge an inch.

"-just because I'm so cute, am I right?" He could tell she was really trying to annoy him. Instead, it merely amused him. She really needed to change up her act because he'd let nothing bother him tonight. He was starting to enjoy how irritating and embarrassingly dramatic she was getting.

Perhaps he'd rattle her if she was trying this hard.

"Oh, of course." Mika smiled. Then he hugged her. "You're absolutely adorable."

Shinoa shrieked and Mika laughed harder than he had since he'd been turned.

…

"I think I'm going to tie him to the hospital bed." Shinoa grinded her teeth, "He keeps trying to talk Guren into letting our squad get back into action. I've got Mitsuba and Yoichi stationed by his room so he doesn't pull his stitches again but he's being Yu again."

"I could take him to the outskirts… There's a good bank vault."

"Ha, I wish. Life would be so much easier if we could just lock him up."

…

They were not friends. They may have talked whenever they could, and attempted to irritate one another at every chance they got, but they were not friends.

They were business partners, fellow body guards, conspirators, cohorts… But not friends.

They certainly weren't like family.

…

"He almost got himself killed again." Shinoa stretched her arm backwards, "A noble came when you were off chasing those monsters."

"Which noble?"

"Let me give you a hint, I was able to send him off by mentioning that I'd heard that I'd seen vegetable seeds in the northern warehouse."

Mika groaned, "Have you just been doing that with every vampire just in case you find him?"

"It distracts everyone I've come across. Even Yu pauses. My squad just doesn't understand my fascination with cabbages." Shinoa sniffed sadly and shook her head.

Soundlessly, without even breathing, Kimizuki backed up from the wall. He scrunched his eyes shut and tried to process the last few minutes of his life. Before he passed out he took a deep breath in and walked away. He decided he didn't want to understand and blocked out the vampire's laughter. Some things… just nope. Yu was enough to deal with.

* * *

 **A/N** : I honestly don't know where this idea came from. I think it's mostly because the dynamic between Shinoa and Mika sounds like it'd be entertaining. I really didn't plan for them to bond over politics but... it happened. Like this fic. Yup. I hope you enjoyed it!


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